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"Catacomb Productions"
by Rev. Cáit Finnegan
Anyone who has ever suffered from abuse, whether it was emotional, psychological, spiritual, physical, sexual, or any combination of those terrors, knows that it is nearly impossible to acknowledge one has been a victim. Being a victim seems to say something negative about us, rather than about our abusers. Being a victim of a more powerful and evil force, frequently coming from a known and even loved person is an overwhelming reality which is very painful to acknowledge.
Acknowledging it, as necessary as it is for any healing, seems to increase the original pain because it makes us face the fact that not everyone we love and trust is trustworthy and loving, or at least not as much as we presumed and hoped.
State laws ignore the fact that it is nearly impossible to deal with such horror in our personal lives until we have the opportunity to grow strong enough and that opportunity does not present itself simply by passing years.
Our ability to trust is destroyed or harmed so severely that becoming secure in our adult relationships is often a life-long effort. And, without that inner sense of security, it is impossible to deal with our original betrayal safely. We run. We hide. We ignore the abuse and its very real effects until we can run no more.
For many that does not happen until our own children reach the age we were at the time of our abuse. For others it is when grandchildren reach that age. There is no time limit to this, as the legal system would allow.
State Statutes of Limitation need to be abolished in cases of childhood abuse. Criminal molesters of youth, whether pedophiles or ephebophiles are sick, but still criminals, and allowing statutes of limitation to protect them only paves the way for further abuse of children.
I am not a poet of any distinction. My poetry is simply in the bardic tradition of my blood. It tells stories. Sadly, part of my story is the spiritual, emotional, and sexual abuse I received from a Religious Sister of Mercy whom I had grown to love and trust with my soul. My prayers about this have been many. These are just a few.
My abuser is protected by civil law. She has been protected by her religious community--that same community which did not protect me from her. I pray for her and for them, that God will have mercy. I pray too for myself, that I will heal, and have mercy, and share it with others. I pray for those of you who have been abused, and for those who try to help us.
Your truth is what makes you who you are. Don't let it be robbed from you or silenced. You are more than the abuse you suffered, much more!
Peace,
Cáit
http://homepage.mac.com/caitfinnegan/SexualAbuseByNuns/Personal8.html
(music, poetry and more)
"Catacomb Productions"
© 2003 Rev. Cáit Finnegan
Catacombs house all dead bones, buried in decay.
History, herstory, all stories of their day.
Memories that no one knows.
Memories of friends and foes.
Thoughts that they will never say.
In my own soul, buried deep, rotten stories dwell.
Only good ones surface, while smiles would hide my hell.
Mem'ries buried deep within,
Mem'ries of another's sin
Against me, I now shall tell.
My catacomb productions rising from within--
My own creativity healing shall begin.
Words and music flowing out
Hope replacing every doubt
Sealed in my soul by her sin.
I mourn youthful years long gone, ripped away from me.
Shame secures the sepulchre, but truth holds the key.
Resurrection sheds a light
On my dark and deadly night.
May this Grace now set me free!
May anger fuel your courage to let your own light shine
On your darkest memory, let in light benign.
Reclaim your own life today
From the one who took away
Your spark of light and life Divine.
You need not dwell in your hell of your catacomb,
Or wait another day to roll away the stone
That would keep you locked inside.
Rise up now and open wide
The door to the life you own.
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a poem
Leper.
Anathema.
Nothing.
Untouchable.
To have no claim on heaven
To have no divine birthright.
To somehow exist outside of redemption and salvation
And "therefore" perhaps not to exist at all.
To be used by saints
To show what depths of humiliation they are
willing to descend
In order to prove their love for God.
And for God to allow it to be so.
To be a spirit of Life
Imprisoned
In a body of Death.
And to wait.
To be a leper is to wait --
To wait to hear that the Good News is not just
for those "out there"
-- but for you also.
To wait not for the saint whose embrace tells of his or her own humiliation
or strength in overcoming revulsion,
But to wait for the saint whose embrace
Tells of the love of God
Invites you to know redemption
Welcomes you to salvation.
To be a leper is to need others to reflect God to you for you can no
longer recognize the Holy within yourself.
To wait.
To be nothing.
Anathema.
Leper.
Me.
Deborah Gruzosky 1984
This is a poem I wrote before leaving the convent. I left before the
end of my first year of temporary vows. My decision to leave was a direct
result of having been sexually violated by another sister of the community
who was my senior. All these years later, this poem still aptly portrays
the impact my experience in the convent had on me.
Deborah Gruzosky Bridge
2003
Jill's Statement
My name is Jill Thornton; I live in NSW Australia. I am a survivor of
unprofessional/unethical sexual misconduct by a religious sister during
counselling, as a 40 year old adult in the early 80’s, with a
history of child abuse whilst a State Ward. I was a client attending
workshops/counselling sessions for some 12 years in a personal programme
called PRH Education (Personality and Human Relations founded by a Catholic
Priest Andre Rochais in the early 60’s. My complaint was heard
within the Catholic Church’s complaints process called ‘Towards
Healing”. This programme has merits for the survivor ONLY when
Bishops and Congregational Major superiors follow the guidelines set
out. When they fail to be accountable, most survivors find themselves
re abused by a process, which is meant to assist. I was re abused. My
case /complaint was up held within Civil Mediation. My reason for being
a contact person is to support those survivors who dare to break their
silence about abuse issues within the church. I was validated some time
ago when I found an article by a Catholic Religious Sister (now deceased)
who described how she was sexually assaulted by a PRH Educator and religious
sister whilst in counselling through a form of regression therapy called
’The Therapeutic Relationship’ where the PRH Educator becomes
the mother /father to the client. This form of ‘therapy’
includes “touching/holding sessions in bedrooms/skin-to-skin contact/
enveloped in a love nest!” (from PRH observation note for educators
Therapeutic Relationship/Healing the Body for its own sake.)
How relived I was to find another person who had experienced such ‘therapy’.
How can an adult allow this to happen? Easy, when one has a history
of child abuse. When one had complete trust in nuns from early childhood.
When society sees women only as nurturers. The spiritual component claimed
by PRH lead to a trust that did not encourage questioning.
My Aim:
1. To support the late Sister Jane’s quest to be heard by those
in authority within the church and PRH International. Both Sister Jane
and I struggled to be heard, failed to have PRH International take responsibility
for those PRH Educators who use the ‘Therapeutic Relationship’
in an unprofessional and unethical way. A wall of silence existed by
those PRH Educators I contacted in US/Canada and Australia. Clearly
they are not answerable to anyone outside their organization. No Government
body/association in Australia has any control over what is offered,
especially if PRH is offered within religious congregations. I have
been advised that Bishops have no control over what the Sisters offer
in a Diocese re counselling. The ‘Therapeutic Relationship’
which I experienced had a devastating effect on my health/my professional
career/family / relationships and spiritual life. Such a struggle I
had with my sexual identity. Some 4 years later with support I am blest
to have recovered to the extent that I now live my life with meaning.
2. Research/advocacy supporting / approaching religious orders in Australia.
Approaching Religious Leaders Conference and religious communities in
the hope they will add the plight of survivors to other justice works
like refugees / Aboriginal injustices. Encourage their leaders to follow
the guidelines of ‘Towards Healing’.
Seeking acknowledgement that these perpetrators do exist, not seeking
to detract the goodness of a great number of religious.
Encouraging those vulnerable adults who were abused as children by religious/
adults abused by nuns and religious sisters who have had to leave their
religious orders because of abuse/rape by another sister. Former religious
sisters who have been raped /abused by priests.
Refer to resource section of this web page for the articles listed below.
Breach of faith
By Jackie Dent
August 28, 2002, The Bulletin (Australia)
The novice nun, the holy retreat and the barefoot apostle of love
By Krista Foss
1. Professional Standards Resource Group Complaint process ‘Towards
Healing’
http://www.acbc.catholic.org.au/statements/sexual_abuse_th2001_1.htm
2. Clergy Sexual Abuse in Australia – Clare Pascoe Henderson
http://www.clergyabuseaustralia.org
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